83 I hate the Pizza Man

Apparently I have spent my life tightly insulated from reality. How in the world did my Mom know how to handle these things? How did everything seem to run so smoothly when we were kids? I feel like a chicken with its head cut off. I just run around in circles until I fall down, and I am worse off than when I started. I just have an inability to question things right away. I hate to admit it, but I think I have relied on Chip too long. I have looked to him for the final answers to things when I should have trusted myself. I have let him be the decision maker, and I don't know if I can work my way back into that role. I don't want to wear the pants all the time, but I want to be able to wear them when I need to. I want to be capable of independence!!
I can trace this inability to confront things back to ordering pizza as a child. It was winter break I guess because my brother and I were home alone, and I had money in my purse so we decided to order a pizza. Only problem is that after we wordered the pizza I realized that my purse was still in the back of Mrs. Pinson's car!! My hair was soaking wet, but I hopped on my bike and rode up to their house (and I do mean up, that was a killer hill) - not home. So, I stopped by the house of a kid we babysat for sometimes - not home. By then my hair was frozen. So, we hid in the basement. Yeah, like the pizza man was going to bust into the house. We could hear him banging on the door, screaming "PIZZA MAN" when he did not get an answer. Eventually he left and then the pizza place called. We were so embarrassed, we gathered up all the change we could find, mostly pennies and put them in the mailbox for the pizza man, and went without our pizza. Since then I hate to call people on the phone. I hate to be without actual cash. I am fearful that I will not be able to pay my way. I can still hear that guy at the door "PIZZA MAN!!!" And I still cringe and feel insignificant. So, yeah I order my pizza online these days. Chip gives me a hard time about not wanting to call about, well, anything - he never wants to call either.
I took Katie to the dentist today, and he tells me she needs to have caps on her 4 back teeth. At the time that seemed perfectly reasonable, so we lined up the appointment. Now it is 12 hours later, I have had time to think and time to talk to my Mom ... and I am starting to think the whole idea is nuts. I did a little research and I really need to have the dentist call her endocrinologist to make sure she does not need antibiotics, just in case. And I need to know what other options there are because caps seem kind of drastic, and EXPENSIVE. If it really is the only option then okay, but there has to be something else. And the fact that her appointment was today and she is supposed to go back tomorrow just makes me feel rushed. Now I just have to get the nerve to call tomorrow ...